Once in awhile, something takes place in your life, that you can't really explain. All you really know, is that it happened, and your life changed, perhaps slightly, maybe dramatically because of it. This is such a story.
I can't offer any 'proof' or documentation, all I can give you is my word on it. The following is 100% true:
I first saw the Angel while I was in Wacamaw's department store. He was sitting on a shelf in the gardening department. A beautifully crafted cherub, perched on a pile of stone, reading from a book, while a bird perched on his shoulder, and a squirrel and rabbit played about. Apparently, they are 'listening' to the story he's reading. I paused, and gazed at it. "Why don't you get it, Mom? You can use my discount." I looked up at my son, so proud to be working there. I looked at the price tag. "Well...it's a bit too expensive, hun. Maybe another time.." I hear him sigh..."It's always another time, when it comes to you, Mom." I pretend not to hear. Maybe $20 dollars isn't a lot to some folks, but for us the budget was already stretched so tight, I actually expected it to 'twang' like a taught rubber band. Finally getting full-time work meant a lot to our family, and I was not going to be spending before he even recieved his first paycheck. So it was the Angel remained on the shelf.
The next time I saw him was two weeks later, cradled in the arms of my son. "Here, Mom," he beemed , "You deserve this. " I absolutely gaped. Truth be told, I had been afraid of ever owning something so exquisitly wrought. Beautiful things like that, are mostly for homes with English Gardens, not rambling houses, whose yards, if properly coaxed, produce an abundance of weeds...all varieties.
But, over and beyond that, the gift of the Angel from my son said so much more to me. "You deserve this," so many times over the months to come those words would comfort and give me strength. It meant he loved me. It meant I was a 'good' mom. It meant, what I did didn't go unnoticed. It meant SO much....
I believe that was in June of 2001... by January 2002, my only son was dead. The details of that time, are not for now. Let me just say, I was rent raw... and sometimes the only sanity in my inner screaming was the stone cherub, softly smiling. It was physical proof for me, that I had been a good Mom. That my son KNEW I loved him.
A year later, finacially sucked dry, by an unforgiving economy, I lost our home. So, his sister and I moved from the 10 room, rambling house, to a small 2 bedroom 'shoebox' apartment. Downsizing had not been easy. I had sold off almost everything of any value, attempting to stave off moving, but stubbornly, I clung to the Angel.
Then, it happened. Somehow during the move the Angel was lost. How can one misplace a nearly 2 foot tall cherub? I searched every nook and crannie in the new place. I even returned to the old house and looked. He had simply, vanished.
A month passed. It was the week following Easter Sunday, and I had resigned myself to the fact that the Angel was gone. Albiet mysteriously, but such things happen during a move. I told myself, it could've been worse.
Then one night, I dreamt of my son. He was cradling the cherub, as he had that long ago day. "Now, where the heck has that been?" I cried. Funny, but the sight of my dead boy, didn't seem odd at all. "In the game box, Mom." I don't recall anything more of the dream. Except thinking WHAT game box?
After I awoke, the message stayed with me. Nagging at me, like a small dog with a bone. The closest thing to a game box we have, was a cardboard box , I had packed with board games. I can not stress this enough, I had packed that box, and I knew for fact it was games from top to bottom. Board games at that. Games, I hadn't unpacked, because we hadn't had the heart to play without him. Games I had kept simply because I knew someday, my daughter and I would play again, and we would remember him together. But...it was the only 'game box'...and I really should store them properly.
Down , in the bottom, wrapped in towels like swaddling clothes was the Angel. Could I have placed him there and forgotten? Maybe. Or was this a message from my son? "You deserve this".... meaning, " I know you love me. I want you to be happy." You be the judge... all I know for certain, is the cherub wears my son's smile. And for me that's enough.
