When I was in my early teens, my two brothers would take me out walking in the Australian bush where they would catch animals that most sane people would give a wide birth. The two deadliest being the King Brown Snake and the Funnel Web Spider which are both equipped with big fangs and incredibly potent venom. They are also extremely aggressive and will continue to strike and not retreat. This ‘hands-on’ education served me well when I was fixing phones.
My first ‘close-up’ encounter with a Funnel Web Spider was under a customer’s house. It had been constantly raining for several days and the water table had risen to ground level. What this does is drive out all the animals that usually live below ground, like spiders.
In this particular case, I had to get under the house to pick up where the phone line joined the house cable. There was plenty of room under the house but except for a few rocks, the ground was underwater. In the dim light, I had to jump from one rock to the next to get underneath the phone connection. I was half way through fixing the connection when I felt something tapping my left boot. I shone the torch at my boot and watched a very annoyed Funnel Web Spider rearing up on its back legs and then striking at my boot. I thought ‘thank god for steel capped boots’ and moved my foot away from the spider which seemed to calm down.
I finished off the repair and shone the torch back the way I had come. I almost cried in fear and frustration as the torch light showed each rock had its own resident spider. The only bit of good news was that Funnel Web Spiders are solitary animals, so there was only one per rock, leaving me enough room to rock hop back to safety.
My other scare with a very grumpy King Brown Snake occurred at the Army’s School of Artillery, not far from where I lived. Even when I was a kid, this place always fascinated me. Dad told me of underground tunnel networks that would either lead out to cliff lookouts over the ocean or ammunition store rooms.
Being a school, the students practiced live firing drills, which amounted to firing live shells into the ocean. A communications warning system was set up between the school, maritime and aviation authorities so that no ships were accidentally sunk or airplanes shot down. This system was reliant on ‘firing points’ which were simply places in the bush for the artillery crews to plug in a phone and talk to the airport or Naval Coast Guard.
These ‘firing points’ were waterproof telephone sockets, mounted on a wooden posts which worked well, until you had a bush fire burn them out. So, I find myself in the parade ground waiting for a ‘second man’ to turn up. While waiting, I’ve changed into my high top steel capped boots, heavy duty overalls, leather gloves and made sure my first aid kit was up to date.
My boss persuaded me to do all this preliminary stuff, as there are no defined tracks through the bush which means you may have to push through the undergrowth and be exposed to ticks, spiders and snakes. When my partner arrived he did the same checks and handed me his spare ‘pit key’. This is a metal rod about two feet long with a triangular hand grip at one end and a metal plate attached to the other end via a swivel. It is used to hook concrete lids and lift them off underground cable pits but is also very useful in making tracks in thick bush and warding off angry customers like dogs, possums or snakes.
We searched for hours in the bush, until my colleague noticed a concrete lid next to the charred remains of a wooden post. He inserted his pit key into the concrete lid and lifted it. Two things happened; we both yelled the same expletive (similar to shirt) as a huge brown snake reared out of the pit. As I was in its line of sight, it decided to come after me.
So called experts will tell you that all snakes are timid and will stand their ground until they can escape. I can tell you that is not the case with a King Brown Snake which will chase you if you run. Your only choice is to stand your ground at a safe distance (the length of the snake) and don’t make any sudden moves. I was lucky that eventually the snake retreated back to the underground pit and we carefully (but quickly) lowered the lid back into place.
I looked down at my gloved hands and realized that although I had the pit key in my hands, the idea of using it on the snake never entered my mind. In hindsight using a two foot metal rod on a snake with at least a four foot strike is not good odds for survival.
We beat a hasty retreat and went back the next day with a qualified snake handler. When we lifted the lid, the snake handler laughed, there was no sign of the snake. She had disappeared into the underground network of pipes, ready to rear up another day and scare the living daylights out of the next poor sucker that lifts that lid.
The funnel spider sure looks creepy! Not something I'd want around me. Although I have no real fear of spiders/insects, that doesn't mean I want them ON me or sharing my living space.
Now, snakes...they are my one true phobia. Can't stand them. And here you have both in one telling! CREEEEEEEPYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Glad that I am not the only one that gets creeped out.
I'm the opposite, snakes are beautiful creatures. My brother kept a diamond python under our backyard shed. We never had a problem with rats in our place. I kept a couple of blue tongue lizards under our house and we never had a problem with spiders or ****roaches.
Spiders freak me out. Your picture of a female funnel web still makes my skin crawl.
An old work colleague used to tell me that every morning, he would shake out his clothes and boots to make sure there were no funnel web spiders hiding inside. His dog used to catch and kill them in his bed!! I'd pack my bags and move out.
I've gotten most of my snake phobia under control, at least now when I unexpectedly run across a picture in a book (usually the infamous one of a king cobra ready to strike) it doesn't get slammed shut to be sent flying across the room. I do agree, some snakes can be beautifully colored, and I know they aren't slimy. I've forced myself to 'pet' a few, including a python, and a boa constrictor. But the entire time, I'm chanting my special mantra; "don't faint, don't pee." I tell myself it's irrational, snakes are NOT going to jump out of books, or magazines, via their photos, nor are they going to slither off a viewing screen (yes, I will watch movies *starring* them, and silently press myself into my seat as far as possible), and I have a very healthy respect for them out in the wild. BUT, they still scare me. (Yeah, I'm a lot of fun walking through the reptile house at a zoo. lol)
Since neither of my parents liked snakes (they were taboo around the house, including rubber ones) I thought it was an inherited fear, that for some reason I took to the nth degree. As it turns out, I was snake bit as a small child (maybe 3 or 4). We don't have a lot of poisonous snakes in these parts, but I guess the bite was enough to traumatize me. Seriously, I don't even like big earthworms because they're too snak-like for me!
